the air

As a TA, I have heard my share of creative and innovative excuses. Some have been downright worthy of an award. And some have been so lame that I had no choice but to simply call them on their bluff. I found this great website that details 87 creative excuses you can use. It is definitely a great resource for all of you lazy ass students out there who are not doing your homework tonight!

Some of funny ones, I thought:

• Developing a vaccine for the upcoming bird flu pandemic in cooperation with the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta.
• District Court of Appeals recently ruled that homework is officially cruel and unusual punishment.
• The Green Party only does homework on recycled paper. Nader ’08 baby!

Anatomy

74. A girl at the coffee shop offered to let me do a little hands-on studying. Let’s just say that I have a specialized rather than a general knowledge of anatomy.

Astronomy

76 . Sorry ma’am, I was out doing LSD

Huckleberry Finn:

79. Sir, I just felt like I had to go build a raft right that moment. (If the professor asks to see it, say that it sank, along with your friend Bill. This also explains why you’ll be absent from class Friday for the funeral.)

The Great Gatsby:

80 . Well, here’s the thing sir. My neighbor was throwing this party, and it seemed in the spirit of the novel to really live how Gatsby did. Thankfully, no one did any driving.

Any Hunter S. Thompson:

81 . Wave your arms wildly and scream: “How can one study with these infernal bats flying everywhere?” (Watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for proper verbal and physical delivery, as well as context clues)

The author does a great job of describing how to make your excuses effective:

Excuses are sales. You have to believe in what you are selling. If you can’t beat the guilt, you can’t sell the excuse. You must relish the act of telling the excuse as much as the prospect of not doing your work.

So remember to sell yourself because if you don’t, I’ll call you on your bluff and you’ll be getting a zero on your assignment.

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